Wednesday, October 8, 2014

There's Just Too Much

I've been overly stressed out lately. I'm someone that loves to be in control. I have to know what every possible outcome is for me to be okay. If I can't control things and don't know what their outcome could possibly be, I freak. Like have a meltdown freak. Speaking of a meltdown freak, that's what happened to me a couple days ago. I was skyping with my mom crying, about basically everything.

Let's back up some so I can explain.

There is TOO MUCH going on right now. We are trying to save as much money as possible so we can visit family and friends before we move. And of course saving money for the move, because the Military doesn't pay for everything. And for what things they do pay for, some of them you have to pay for first and then they pay you back. I have no idea how much money we need to have saved up, so the more the better because I hate not being prepared for something. I don't want to be that person stuck and confused because she doesn't know what to do when a situation appears. 

Speaking of not knowing what to do, this move is driving me crazy. It was one thing when I packed up my bedroom and our wedding presents to move across state and be with my husband. It's a whole other freaking level moving to another country. Like WTF. I have no control with this. Like zero control, the only thing I know is where we are going and when we have to be there. Up in the unknown zone is when, how, costs, where from, with who, together/separate (as in leaving with my husband or him going first then I follow days later), taking our little dog with us, when to see family, when to send our stuff, when to leave our place, etc. Seriously, this list could go on forever.

I had to set my appointment to get my wisdom teeth out, and I suddenly started worrying about the co payment and how much we will have to pay. I hung up the phone after making the appointment and cried. I'm too stressed out for this shit. It's just one thing after another.

I skyped my Mom and she helped calm me down and assured me that no matter what her and my step dad are there for us if we need them. And she told me everything will be okay, and to take things one at a time. Just to breathe, think positive and not to worry so much. Not to worry so much? Ha. Impossible for me to do. But, I am going to try. It's for the best.

I'm going to take things one at a time. I'm going to breathe and relax. I'm going to take time for myself. I'm going to believe that everything will be alright.