Friday, April 25, 2014

Life Events That Made Me, Me

For those of you that know me, or have read some of my extreme personal posts on my blog, then you understand that I have been through quite a bit in my life. I'm not afraid to talk about them though. I'm fairly open with my life and things that have happened to me. I feel that talking about those things helps me cope, and can even help others at times. The critical things that have happened to me were, well, critical. These events made me who I am. They were life changing.

1. Being a Jehovah's Witness

I was born into a religion. As in, I had no say in the matter. My parent's were both Witnesses and I grew up going to meetings, socializing with other Witnesses, and learning to live life based off of that religion. I know that religion is a touchy subject. I'm really not one to talk about it. But, this did have a huge impact on my life. Until I was 16, I had never celebrated Christmas, Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July, anything. Today, I am no longer a Witness. That was my choice. I still no people today that are Witnesses, and I have nothing against that. I have just grown up to learn that it isn't for me, and I went on with my life. Growing up in this religion had a major impact on me though. Families raised their children differently, with different rules and morals. I honestly do not agree with all of them. But I am happy and proud to still have some of those morals that I had learned there today. Literature was a huge part being a Witness as well. I am thankful to have had learned to become a fantastic reader, writer, and speaker through studying the material and speaking at meetings. This has most definitely made a huge impact on who I am today.

2. Moving A S**t Ton

Growing up, we moved all the time. Not from town to town, but from house to house. I loved it because we got to have a new moving and housewarming party every time where our friends came over and celebrated with us. And I loved decorating my new room. Always hoping it was a bigger room every time we moved. This also meant a different and new school though. Making new friends. New teachers. A new schedule. I didn't have my friends I made the previous year with me. I had the worst anxiety going to new schools. As my Mom says though, I always cried showing up to school, and when she would come pick me up later that day I would be walking out with a friend on each arm.

3. My Seizure Disorder

This is something that I have written about before on my blog in the past. You can read about it here. There was no known cause to my disorder. There was no way of telling when I would have another one either. Living life on the edge of my seat I guess is what I would call it. Constantly going to doctors appointments and taking tests, MRI's, and spinal taps. Fun, right? My first seizure even put me into a coma which the doctors said I would not survive from. When I had my second one, I was in the fourth grade though. I was stuck in a hospital for over a week, and then stuck at home for longer. I missed school, and suffered from short term memory loss. I haven't had one since I was ten years old though, lets keep our fingers crossed okay?

4. Losing My Dad To Suicide

Again, I have written a three post story dedicated to this moment on my blog before. Obviously this has had a huge impact on my life. I was never a Daddy's girl, you would always see me clinging to my Mom. But I loved my Dad with all my heart. He was still my Dad. The shock that this moment had on my life will never be forgotten. I didn't lose my Dad to a disease or to someone else. He took himself away from us. I lost my Dad because of my Dad. I learned early on through my Dad's two attempts before he died that I was not to blame for this. My Dad himself sat me down and told me that his decision to take his own life was not my fault. He made sure that I understood that. I was fifteen years old when I lost him. I was still growing and figuring out who I was and what I wanted with life. It was by far the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. I honestly couldn't ever begin to explain this event in my life in just a paragraph. Absolutely impossible. Losing my Dad meant that I grew up with only a Mother. It meant that he wouldn't be there to walk me down the isle and meet my amazing husband, see me graduate high school and college, meet his grandchildren...He was gone. He is gone. After his death we decided to leave the religion that we were in. Because of that choice, I lost nearly all of my friends. Which led to...

5. My Depression

Following losing my Dad, and my friends, I fell into a deep pit of depression. Why was this happening? Why was it happening to me? I didn't see the point of life anymore. There was too much going on and I couldn't handle it. I struggled for years. I am not going to go into detail about my depression, no need to put others in an unhappy mood. Just know, things were extremely hard. Honestly, I still do struggle. But today I know to talk, and I have people by my side that care for and love me. I know that I would never ever want to take my own life like my father did. I could never do such a thing. I look forward to way too many things in life.

6. Opening Up

A while has passed, and I learned that yes, I went through a tragedy in my life. But guess what? I know just how to make the best of it. I can turn something horrible that happened to me into something good. I reached out and I did what I could to help others. I spoke at several events, like the Out of the Darkness Walks and participated in them. I shared my personal story with hundreds of people. I was a shoulder for people to cry on. I was an ear for people to talk to. I was a voice to encourage people who were suffering that they are not alone, and that they can get through it. 

7. Meeting My Husband

Of course I had to put this on the list. When I met him though, I would have never guessed that we would currently be married and living on an Army base in the desert. We were juniors in high school, and still so immature and doing whatever the hell we wanted to. We were friends, and then more than friends, and then it seemed like suddenly things were really serious between us and BAM we were engaged. Of course in between the meeting and the engagement there was a three year gap. That gap consisted of graduating high school, him leaving for the Army, me starting college, and many trips back and forth to see each other. That continued for another year after the engagement until we married on block leave in July of 2013. 
This man. He is nothing short of my best friend. My soul mate. We are both dorks in our own way. We both had a tough childhood. We both decided to take the "I'm strong and I am going to grow and become a better person" path after our crappy childhoods. I never wanted to marry a Military man. Always told myself no way in hell was that going to happen. But, I fell in love. I got married at 20 years old and moved into the desert to live with my best friend. I wouldn't have it any other way. As long as I'm by his side, then I'm one happy camper.

What are some life events that had a big impact on your life?