| Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries | Signs of Healthy Boundaries |
|---|
| telling all | telling only as much as you can trust the other person to respect |
| talking at an intimate level at the first time meeting | waiting until you know a person before spilling your guts |
| falling in love with a new acquaintance | carefully selecting who you love |
| falling in love with anyone who reaches out | making sure the person you love respects you |
| being overwhelmed and preoccupied with another person | leading your own life |
| acting on the first sexual impulse | enjoying the feelings of anticipation-practicing safe sex |
| being sexual for your partner's pleasure only | being sexual to enjoy the intimacy of giving and receving pleasure |
| going against personal values or rights | honoring your values even when it means losing a relationship |
| not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries | noticing when you start to feel uncomfortable by the lack of physical or emotional distance |
| not noticing when someone invades your boundaries | asking someone that is too clost to step back either physically or emotionally |
| accepting food gifts or sex that you don't want | politely turning down offers that make you uncomfortable |
| touching another without asking | talking about how much touch is comfortable before you touch |
| taking as much as you can for the sake of getting | giving for the sake of feeling good about yourself |
| giving as much as you can for the sake of giving | enjoying receiving gifts that others offer |
| allowing someone to take as much as they can from you | setting limits that make you feel good about yourself |
| letting others direct your life | directing your own life and being responsible for your own decisions and choices |
| letting others define you | knowing your own feelings, values, and limits |
| believing others can anticipate your needs | realizing that you must state your needs out loud |
| self abuse | self care |
| expecting others to fill your needs automatically | realizing that no one, even someone who cares a great deal for you, can read your mind |
| falling apart so that someone can take care of you | standing strong for yourself |
| sexual and physical abuse towards others | sexual and physical respect towards others |
| fppd anise/eating disorder | eating healthy to stay well |
| not allowing another free permission to say no | asking for what you want in a manner that allows the other person to feel okay to say no |
| basing your response on someone elses actions | basing your response on you intuitions |
| having very short, intense relationships | working through problems so that relationships last for years |
| believing that a new relationship will be completely different from the past | realizing that all relationships are based on patterns from your past-the trick is to recognize patterns and work through them |
| wanting a relationship so badly that you will compromise yourself | realizing that you must love yourself first before anyone else can |
| always putting others needs ahead of yours or always putting your needs ahead of others | sometimes putting others needs ahead of your own and sometimes putting your needs first |
| believing that having a feeling means always acting on that feeling | believing that having a feeling may be the first step, but there is always a choice of how to respond |
