Yesterday when I was doing the dishes I ended up breaking a glass. Completely just broke down and started crying. Now, before you sit there and judge, thinking "What the hell, is she crazy? Crying over a broken glass? Really?" It was a glass that was in my Dad's office. And therefore, reminds me of him, and means a lot to me. Kind of like this one ↓
Really upsetting that its gone. My Mom was all "Your Dad would give you so much shit for crying over a broken glass" and it just made me laugh. So true haha.
I remember when my Dad died, I went to a private home school thing.. ehh complicated. I had classes at home, at the center, and at the college. I also had a main teacher that I met with for everything. It wasn't even a week after my Dad died and she had the nerve to call me and tell me that I'm missing a lot of school. Well uhhh, NO DURR. Then she continued by saying "You should be over it by now" are you for real right now?! One of the worst things to say.
So, here's a list of what is okay to say, and what you should NOT say.
| What NOT To Say | What To Say |
|---|---|
| "I know just how you feel." | "I can't know how you feel, but I care." |
| "It was God's will." | "I've been thinking about you." |
| "You'll get over it." | "I've been praying for you." |
| "You must get busy and get your mind off of it." | "Do you feel like talking? I'll listen." |
| "You need to get out more and stop thinking so much about yourself." | "Would you like me to come over and just be with you for a while?" |
| "You have to forgive and forget." | "May I stop by and take you for a ride to help with an errand?" |
| "Your friends get tired of listening to you." | "Would it be all right for me to call once in a while to be sure you are all right? I don't want you to feel so alone." |
| "Do you have other children?" or "Be thankful you have other children." or "At least you have other children." | - |
| "Think about others who have suffered a greater loss." | - |
| "You should really stop crying so much. You'll make yourself sick and drive your friends away." | - |
| "Perhaps it was for the best." | - |
| "Why would you want him back? He is so much better off in heaven." | - |
| "Now you can do all the things you have always wanted to do." | - |
| "HE is gone; you are alive. Life goes on." | - |
| "Be glad he/she is not suffering." | - |
| "Be brave; don't cry, Time will heal." | - |
| "These things don't just happen. God is upset about something." | - |
| "God is teaching you to trust Him to increase your faith." | - |
| "It could have been worse-at least your wife lived." | - |
| "It's too bad he got such poor treatment" "..had so few friends" "..didn't let you know sooner." | - |
| "You can have another baby." | - |
- Let your genuine concern and caring show.
- Say you are sorry about what happened to their loved one and about their pain.
- Allow them to express as much grief as they are feeling at the moment and are willing to share.
- Be available to listen, to run errands, to help with other children, take the kids out, or whatever else seems needed at the time.
- Bring food, making food is one of the last things on their minds.
- Allow them to talk about the person or their sense of loss as much and as often as they need to tell it.
- Talk about special memories and endearing qualities of the lost one.
- Reassure them they did everything that they could.
- Be positive about the medical care received. Be truthful and caring about what you know. Don't converse on subjects about which you have no knowledge.
- In asking how they are, be specific.
- Thank them for sharing their pain.
- Send a personal note.
